dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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