just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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