So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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