Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
