If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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