Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
