So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
