help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
