is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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