i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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