Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
