Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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