I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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