I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
