I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
