i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
