I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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