If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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