I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
