Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
