he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
