I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
