OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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