you're like a bully in the Christmas story
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We were destined to go to rehab together
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
