I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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