i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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