Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
