Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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