dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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