Whod you bang
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
