I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think your dad took our porno
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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