Dual....:-)
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
