One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The adults are the big ones right?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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