Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
