i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
did you just send me my own nude
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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