I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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