you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
