Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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