yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
