I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I am one with the molecules
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
