Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
