Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
