Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
