dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
