we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
