yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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