I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
