Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
