I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
