We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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