I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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