you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
