I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
