Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
