Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
