She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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