Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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