Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
