I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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