why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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