you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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