I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
