Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
