Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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