walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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