So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Come on in and take your pants off
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