I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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