it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
