My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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