she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
