hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
