Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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