my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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