its not stalking. its research.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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