Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
