he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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