Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
