Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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