There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
