I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
