Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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