Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
