I will die if light touches me.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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