I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have post one night stand depression
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