yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
