every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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