Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
