that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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