i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
